Part of my life story and testimony plays into this topic of fatherlessness all too well. For the first several years of my life I grew up without a father. At the time I didn’t see it as a challenge, partly because I had an amazing mother who did her best to provide for me. As I grew older I began to face the challenges and pains of life without a father. Questions arose as to why my father left, whether I was good enough for anyone and whether or not it was true that I had a heavenly Father who deeply cared for me. All of these questions and ideas plagued me as I grew older.
My story is much like millions of children in America. The number of absent fathers in the home is increasing at the fastest rate history has ever seen. This is both heart breaking and is tearing the fabric of the traditional family. Many children who grow up without fathers in the home do not have the same hope as I have partaken in these last few years in my walk with Jesus Christ. The time has come for followers of Jesus to step into the gap and show others what fatherhood looks like.
Fatherlessness by definition is the absence of the biological father in a person’s life. It has been an issue that has always plagued society. Before the time of World War II this was due more towards the death of fathers rather than the abandonment of fathers. Before the 1940’s fathers were largely in the home and were dedicated to the idea that they must provide and protect for their families. One of the major factors in the change during this time was the dawn of World War II.
Initially fathers were excused from the draft because it was popular opinion that if you removed a father from the home you would jeopardize the youth. In Mark E. Strong’s book entitled Church for the Fatherless he makes the case that the eve of rampant fatherlessness was spurred by the eve of the great war in which our nation engaged in. Strong highlights, “a Gallup poll during the fall of 1943 found that 68 percent of Americans believed that compared to drafting fathers, it was preferable to draft single men employed in industries essential to the war effort. Public opinion also favored drafting single women for noncombatant military service to avoid drafting fathers. As George Gallup put it, "the public objected to the father draft because it would break up too many families where there are children.” [1]
As the war continued and began to ensue this draft of single men quickly changed and a greater demand for soldiers increased. When this occurred and fathers started leaving the home in greater numbers “juvenile crime rose to the highest level during this period.”[2] Strong makes a point that for the first time in the history of America, there was a mass exiting of fathers from the home and that as a result child development and discipline was hindered.
Today there is another exodus taking place but unlike the many fathers that left during World War II as a result of death, death has been “eclipsed by voluntary abandonment.”[3] If fatherlessness due to the war effort fostered increased juvenile delinquency imagine what voluntary abandonment fosters. Just as was seen in 1940’s, today fathers seem to be less and less seen in the home and this has caused issues within society. It is these societal issues that give definition to this problem called fatherlessness.
According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, in 2011 “approximately 24.7 million children live in America without their biological father.”[4] Unfortunately this statistic since then has either remained the same or increased. To say that this is a problem for families would be an understatement. This is unlike anything seen before in the history of the traditional family. The mystery is why this overwhelming departure of the father from the home has not been addressed by our society at large. The prevalence of fatherlessness is evident in light of statistical data but not among societal awareness. This is a major issue and is largely the reason why fatherlessness continues to ensue. The prevalence of fatherless occurs in every state and in every corner of America. According the Washington Times, "In every state, the portion of families where children have two parents, rather than one, has dropped significantly over the past decade. Even as the country added 160,000 families with children, the number of two-parent households decreased by 1.2 million. Fifteen million U.S. children, or 1 in 3, live without a father…”[5] Although families are growing and are being added to the population single parent homes continue to grow.
In light of the data some still contend whether or not this prevalent issue of fatherlessness is inherently detrimental to child development and the overall health of families. There are two prevailing views concerning absent fathers from the home. The first is that absent fathers are harmful and should be discouraged. The other is that absent fathers are in some ways what is best for child development and familial health. According to Michele Weldon in here op-ed entitled, When Children Are Better Off Fatherless, she supports the idea that “in the cases where the father is far from heroic – even abusive – his absence is also the absence of the chaos, anger, pain and disruption he would bring to his family. Society encourages women to leave abusive partners, but mothers who do this end up in a class we shame and pity.”[6] Weldon is right in saying this but to a degree. That is why it is so important to have the ‘right’ father in the home.
It has been shown that the more father-child contact that occurs in the development of a child the better chance that child will perform in academics and have less behavioral problems.[7] Part of seeing a change in fatherlessness is going to come from fathers understanding the symptoms of their departure.
The symptoms associated by fatherlessness are vast. From psychological issues, juvenile violence, struggles in school to drug abuse fatherlessness contributes to all of these symptoms in some small way or another. These symptoms play out and create a ripple affect. The progression is eye opening. When a child is left without a father symptoms resulting from the fathers absence arise, children grow up to deal with these symptoms alone and many times neglect to seek help, these symptoms evolve into playing a part into how they end up parenting their own children and the process ends up repeating itself.
Overall there are four major symptoms associated with fatherlessness. The first is psychological. According to David Blankenhorn, “when a father leaves it creates psychological ramifications for the child (self blame, anxiety, resentment, etc.)… When a father leaves, the child suffers, and his fatherhood is diminished and the value of fatherhood as a whole suffers. In many cases, because the mother is hurt, she aids in the diminishing process.”[8] It is evident that fatherlessness contributes to the mental health and stability of an individual. Take for example the self-blame ramification. If the child is not left with reason for the fathers absence, which many times is the case, this leaves room for blame to take root. Self-blame can cause an issue for the child in future relationships. Because they have felt that they were the reason for the absence of a person in their life that is “supposed to be there” they develop the propensity to think that they must perform in a relationship in order to keep them around. Obviously this is a skewed way to look at relationships and can even affect the way someone relates to God. If all a person has known is having to perform in order to keep somebody around they may fall into the trap in thinking that they have to work for God’s grace.
The second major symptom is what Mark E. Strong calls “pain caused by father hunger.”[9] According to Strong, "this hunger affects individuals in the deepest levels of their being. It’s like physical hunger when food isn’t available for long periods, pain and anguish set in. When an individual longs for the love of a father and the father isn’t present to meet the need, emotional, psychological and social hunger pains can and do strike, leaving the child or adult to wrestle with the pain."[10]
Pain can manifest itself in various ways. It solely is not emotional. Wrestling with this pain can be done in either a constructive or detrimental way. In many instances it is dealt with in a detrimental way. This pain is typically inflated because victims of fatherlessness harbor resentment and bitterness towards their absent fathers. When this occurs and pain is conjoined with anger and the victim of fatherlessness has a higher chance of hurting themselves.
The third symptom is education. Statistics show that children without fathers have a higher drop out rate, lower grade point averages and are less likely to go to college. Looking at the comparison, Sara L. McLanahan states “children of two parent households are more likely to stay in school. For single-parent homes, the high school dropout rate is 29 percent compared to 13 percent in two-parent families.”[11] The underlying consensus is that children lack the support they would receive if there were two parents instead of one.
The fourth major symptom is two-fold. It is juvenile violence and out-of-wedlock child bearing. Blackenhorn correlates these two symptoms by gender but gives credit to fatherlessness as the source.[12] The likelihood of a teenage boy being arrested and a teenage girl getting pregnant significantly increases if they are without a father in the home. Part of the reason this is so true is because juveniles are without stability and lack the understanding of what a traditional family looks like. Psychologists and sociologists agree that if a person does not see a certain behavior modeled when they are children they are less likely to model that behavior as adults. The same is true in childhood development, if a child does not have stability or is cared for and loved by their father they are more prone to violence and out-of-wedlock pregnancy as a teenager.
There are other symptoms that are also telling to how impactful the absence of a father can be on an individual’s life. According to Jim Daly from Focus on the Family, “children who do not have the benefit of a strong, stable father figure in the home are 10 times more likely to use drugs and 32 times more likely to run away from home at an early age than teens with a consistent fatherly influence.”[13] There is no doubt that these symptoms are in some form or another linked to fatherlessness due to the link in statistical data. The question remains, what will we as followers of Jesus do about it?
I believe that we have a huge opportunity to share with others what true, meaningful and healthy fatherhood looks like. Think about it- God created fatherhood. We have and experience a relationship with the best and most loving Father we could ever ask for. As followers of Jesus we must do two things; 1) model fatherhood by making the decision even when you are young to stay pure and wait to have children when you are married, and 2) share the love and relationship we have with our heavenly Father with others around us.
The Bible has much to say about what it means to be a father and the importance of it. Scripture largely speaks to father being the teacher to their children. Deuteronomy 6:1-9 speaks to the commandments given to Israel and that these commandments must be impressed upon Israel’s children. The Scripture says to “talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deut. 6:7b, NIV). Not only is the father a teacher in the home but in public as well.
The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about what it means to be a father too. Proverbs 1:8 tells children to not forsake their parents, Proverbs 23:22 commands children to listen to their parents, and Proverbs 22:6 encourages fathers to train up their children on the way that they should go. In the New Testament the author of Colossians warns fathers to not exasperate their children (3:21). Ephesians 6:4 commands fathers to not provoke their children to anger. These are but just a few of the biblical references and foundations of what it means to be a father and its importance in the life of a child.
Overall the greatest deterrent to perpetuated fatherlessness is the presence of the father- not just any father. . . a God fearing father. Only by the convicting of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God will fathers of the fatherless return to their homes. As followers of Jesus we have a unique opportunity to share the greatest hope that fathers have, this hope is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In order to have God fearing fathers in the home tomorrow they must be in the home today.
Quincy
@QuincyThompson3
______________
[1] Mark E. Strong, Church for the Fatherless: A Ministry Model for Society's Most Pressing Problem (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, ©2012), 20.
[2] Ibid, 20.
[3] Ibid, 23.
[4] The National Fatherhood Initiative, Father Facts, 6th ed. (Germantown, Md., 2011), p.18.
[5] Rosiak, Luke. "Fathers Disappear from Households across America." Washington Times. December 25, 2012. Accessed April 2, 2015.
[6] Weldon, Michele. "When Children Are Better Off Fatherless." The New York Times. June 13, 2013. Accessed April 6, 2015.
[7] Howard, K. S., Burke Lefever, J. E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman , T. L. (2006). Fathers’ Influence in the Lives of Children with Adolescent Mothers. Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468- 476.
[8] Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. New York: BasicBooks, 1995, 22-23.
[9] Strong, 42.
[10] Ibid, 45.
[11] Sara L. McLanahan, “Growing up Without a Father,” in Lost Fathers, ed. Cynthia R. Daniels (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1998), pp. 86-87.
[12] Blankenhorn, 46.
[13] Daly, Jim. "The Fatherless Family Focus on the Family." Focus on the Family. January 9, 2006. Accessed April 4, 2015.
My story is much like millions of children in America. The number of absent fathers in the home is increasing at the fastest rate history has ever seen. This is both heart breaking and is tearing the fabric of the traditional family. Many children who grow up without fathers in the home do not have the same hope as I have partaken in these last few years in my walk with Jesus Christ. The time has come for followers of Jesus to step into the gap and show others what fatherhood looks like.
Fatherlessness by definition is the absence of the biological father in a person’s life. It has been an issue that has always plagued society. Before the time of World War II this was due more towards the death of fathers rather than the abandonment of fathers. Before the 1940’s fathers were largely in the home and were dedicated to the idea that they must provide and protect for their families. One of the major factors in the change during this time was the dawn of World War II.
Initially fathers were excused from the draft because it was popular opinion that if you removed a father from the home you would jeopardize the youth. In Mark E. Strong’s book entitled Church for the Fatherless he makes the case that the eve of rampant fatherlessness was spurred by the eve of the great war in which our nation engaged in. Strong highlights, “a Gallup poll during the fall of 1943 found that 68 percent of Americans believed that compared to drafting fathers, it was preferable to draft single men employed in industries essential to the war effort. Public opinion also favored drafting single women for noncombatant military service to avoid drafting fathers. As George Gallup put it, "the public objected to the father draft because it would break up too many families where there are children.” [1]
As the war continued and began to ensue this draft of single men quickly changed and a greater demand for soldiers increased. When this occurred and fathers started leaving the home in greater numbers “juvenile crime rose to the highest level during this period.”[2] Strong makes a point that for the first time in the history of America, there was a mass exiting of fathers from the home and that as a result child development and discipline was hindered.
Today there is another exodus taking place but unlike the many fathers that left during World War II as a result of death, death has been “eclipsed by voluntary abandonment.”[3] If fatherlessness due to the war effort fostered increased juvenile delinquency imagine what voluntary abandonment fosters. Just as was seen in 1940’s, today fathers seem to be less and less seen in the home and this has caused issues within society. It is these societal issues that give definition to this problem called fatherlessness.
According to the National Fatherhood Initiative, in 2011 “approximately 24.7 million children live in America without their biological father.”[4] Unfortunately this statistic since then has either remained the same or increased. To say that this is a problem for families would be an understatement. This is unlike anything seen before in the history of the traditional family. The mystery is why this overwhelming departure of the father from the home has not been addressed by our society at large. The prevalence of fatherlessness is evident in light of statistical data but not among societal awareness. This is a major issue and is largely the reason why fatherlessness continues to ensue. The prevalence of fatherless occurs in every state and in every corner of America. According the Washington Times, "In every state, the portion of families where children have two parents, rather than one, has dropped significantly over the past decade. Even as the country added 160,000 families with children, the number of two-parent households decreased by 1.2 million. Fifteen million U.S. children, or 1 in 3, live without a father…”[5] Although families are growing and are being added to the population single parent homes continue to grow.
In light of the data some still contend whether or not this prevalent issue of fatherlessness is inherently detrimental to child development and the overall health of families. There are two prevailing views concerning absent fathers from the home. The first is that absent fathers are harmful and should be discouraged. The other is that absent fathers are in some ways what is best for child development and familial health. According to Michele Weldon in here op-ed entitled, When Children Are Better Off Fatherless, she supports the idea that “in the cases where the father is far from heroic – even abusive – his absence is also the absence of the chaos, anger, pain and disruption he would bring to his family. Society encourages women to leave abusive partners, but mothers who do this end up in a class we shame and pity.”[6] Weldon is right in saying this but to a degree. That is why it is so important to have the ‘right’ father in the home.
It has been shown that the more father-child contact that occurs in the development of a child the better chance that child will perform in academics and have less behavioral problems.[7] Part of seeing a change in fatherlessness is going to come from fathers understanding the symptoms of their departure.
The symptoms associated by fatherlessness are vast. From psychological issues, juvenile violence, struggles in school to drug abuse fatherlessness contributes to all of these symptoms in some small way or another. These symptoms play out and create a ripple affect. The progression is eye opening. When a child is left without a father symptoms resulting from the fathers absence arise, children grow up to deal with these symptoms alone and many times neglect to seek help, these symptoms evolve into playing a part into how they end up parenting their own children and the process ends up repeating itself.
Overall there are four major symptoms associated with fatherlessness. The first is psychological. According to David Blankenhorn, “when a father leaves it creates psychological ramifications for the child (self blame, anxiety, resentment, etc.)… When a father leaves, the child suffers, and his fatherhood is diminished and the value of fatherhood as a whole suffers. In many cases, because the mother is hurt, she aids in the diminishing process.”[8] It is evident that fatherlessness contributes to the mental health and stability of an individual. Take for example the self-blame ramification. If the child is not left with reason for the fathers absence, which many times is the case, this leaves room for blame to take root. Self-blame can cause an issue for the child in future relationships. Because they have felt that they were the reason for the absence of a person in their life that is “supposed to be there” they develop the propensity to think that they must perform in a relationship in order to keep them around. Obviously this is a skewed way to look at relationships and can even affect the way someone relates to God. If all a person has known is having to perform in order to keep somebody around they may fall into the trap in thinking that they have to work for God’s grace.
The second major symptom is what Mark E. Strong calls “pain caused by father hunger.”[9] According to Strong, "this hunger affects individuals in the deepest levels of their being. It’s like physical hunger when food isn’t available for long periods, pain and anguish set in. When an individual longs for the love of a father and the father isn’t present to meet the need, emotional, psychological and social hunger pains can and do strike, leaving the child or adult to wrestle with the pain."[10]
Pain can manifest itself in various ways. It solely is not emotional. Wrestling with this pain can be done in either a constructive or detrimental way. In many instances it is dealt with in a detrimental way. This pain is typically inflated because victims of fatherlessness harbor resentment and bitterness towards their absent fathers. When this occurs and pain is conjoined with anger and the victim of fatherlessness has a higher chance of hurting themselves.
The third symptom is education. Statistics show that children without fathers have a higher drop out rate, lower grade point averages and are less likely to go to college. Looking at the comparison, Sara L. McLanahan states “children of two parent households are more likely to stay in school. For single-parent homes, the high school dropout rate is 29 percent compared to 13 percent in two-parent families.”[11] The underlying consensus is that children lack the support they would receive if there were two parents instead of one.
The fourth major symptom is two-fold. It is juvenile violence and out-of-wedlock child bearing. Blackenhorn correlates these two symptoms by gender but gives credit to fatherlessness as the source.[12] The likelihood of a teenage boy being arrested and a teenage girl getting pregnant significantly increases if they are without a father in the home. Part of the reason this is so true is because juveniles are without stability and lack the understanding of what a traditional family looks like. Psychologists and sociologists agree that if a person does not see a certain behavior modeled when they are children they are less likely to model that behavior as adults. The same is true in childhood development, if a child does not have stability or is cared for and loved by their father they are more prone to violence and out-of-wedlock pregnancy as a teenager.
There are other symptoms that are also telling to how impactful the absence of a father can be on an individual’s life. According to Jim Daly from Focus on the Family, “children who do not have the benefit of a strong, stable father figure in the home are 10 times more likely to use drugs and 32 times more likely to run away from home at an early age than teens with a consistent fatherly influence.”[13] There is no doubt that these symptoms are in some form or another linked to fatherlessness due to the link in statistical data. The question remains, what will we as followers of Jesus do about it?
I believe that we have a huge opportunity to share with others what true, meaningful and healthy fatherhood looks like. Think about it- God created fatherhood. We have and experience a relationship with the best and most loving Father we could ever ask for. As followers of Jesus we must do two things; 1) model fatherhood by making the decision even when you are young to stay pure and wait to have children when you are married, and 2) share the love and relationship we have with our heavenly Father with others around us.
The Bible has much to say about what it means to be a father and the importance of it. Scripture largely speaks to father being the teacher to their children. Deuteronomy 6:1-9 speaks to the commandments given to Israel and that these commandments must be impressed upon Israel’s children. The Scripture says to “talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deut. 6:7b, NIV). Not only is the father a teacher in the home but in public as well.
The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about what it means to be a father too. Proverbs 1:8 tells children to not forsake their parents, Proverbs 23:22 commands children to listen to their parents, and Proverbs 22:6 encourages fathers to train up their children on the way that they should go. In the New Testament the author of Colossians warns fathers to not exasperate their children (3:21). Ephesians 6:4 commands fathers to not provoke their children to anger. These are but just a few of the biblical references and foundations of what it means to be a father and its importance in the life of a child.
Overall the greatest deterrent to perpetuated fatherlessness is the presence of the father- not just any father. . . a God fearing father. Only by the convicting of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God will fathers of the fatherless return to their homes. As followers of Jesus we have a unique opportunity to share the greatest hope that fathers have, this hope is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In order to have God fearing fathers in the home tomorrow they must be in the home today.
Quincy
@QuincyThompson3
______________
[1] Mark E. Strong, Church for the Fatherless: A Ministry Model for Society's Most Pressing Problem (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, ©2012), 20.
[2] Ibid, 20.
[3] Ibid, 23.
[4] The National Fatherhood Initiative, Father Facts, 6th ed. (Germantown, Md., 2011), p.18.
[5] Rosiak, Luke. "Fathers Disappear from Households across America." Washington Times. December 25, 2012. Accessed April 2, 2015.
[6] Weldon, Michele. "When Children Are Better Off Fatherless." The New York Times. June 13, 2013. Accessed April 6, 2015.
[7] Howard, K. S., Burke Lefever, J. E., Borkowski, J.G., & Whitman , T. L. (2006). Fathers’ Influence in the Lives of Children with Adolescent Mothers. Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 468- 476.
[8] Blankenhorn, David. Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem. New York: BasicBooks, 1995, 22-23.
[9] Strong, 42.
[10] Ibid, 45.
[11] Sara L. McLanahan, “Growing up Without a Father,” in Lost Fathers, ed. Cynthia R. Daniels (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1998), pp. 86-87.
[12] Blankenhorn, 46.
[13] Daly, Jim. "The Fatherless Family Focus on the Family." Focus on the Family. January 9, 2006. Accessed April 4, 2015.